You are worried about the growing responsibility in time and energy, and, losing yourself, as you continue your lifelong commitment to motherhood. Here's a brief response to some of your feelings "
Cheaty".
It takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there, and share all the feelings, actions, and events, that we go through as Mothers.
For you, on this particular day, it was going to a Yoga class. Maybe for me, and others, it may be getting down to that writing project, involvement in child and animal causes, and all the other nurturing you spill into the universe, while caring for your husband, kids, and kitties, we never seem to get to, that are our demons.
Pat yourself on the back if you make it to the class. Forgive yourself for your tears, if you turn the car around,and just have to have that CHAI, and try it again next class.
I always suggest to people who want to quit smoking. "Start like this. At one point during the day, when you pick up a cigarette, put it down. Start by giving up just that one a day. After 3-4 days, try to do it twice a day. Pat yourself on the back for your strength and effort. If you slip up, do it again the next day."
I might not always have been able to say this, but, Motherhood is not about fear. It is about courage and trust. The courage to trust yourself. It is the freedom to know, that you love with all your heart and soul. The weight of it comes from your desire to ALWAYS want to do the right thing, and to protect your children from everything, forever. I do have sad news for you. You WON'T always do the right thing, and you CAN'T always protect them.
You can be open enough, and close enough, to be sure they know you're always there, that they can come to you for advice,to listen. Let them know you will give your feelings and opinions. They might not always like what you have to say, but, you'd appreciate it if they'd listen, Not because you know more, just because you've been around longer, and experienced more. And, oh yes, if you say you're going to be there... you better be there. Think about that. It's a huge commitment. Not a sacrifice. If people think of parenting as sacrificing, or giving up something...well... that's for another post!
We all have unhealthy habits, crutches. The smell of a morning CHAI... might be considered quite tame to some.